Don't Say "No!"

I recently got a question from a student of mine asking me how I feel about using the word “No!” to correct dogs. So I dug into the archives (yes, I have archives, tons of them), and found these two stories that, I think, explain my position on “No!” pretty well. Just to be clear, though, I sometimes refer to “No!” as the “N word” of dog training. 

So don't use it! Below, you’ll find two of my reasons why...

Ahhh, that's more like it...

“Do You Know How Much Energy That Would Take?” 

Mack, a Jack Russell terrier, used to go nuts whenever the phone rang, barking and running around, basically driving his owner crazy.  

Mack’s owner — who was going through a difficult divorce — thought the best way to solve the problem was to correct the dog, shouting, “No, Mack!  Quiet!” over and over until he finally stopped.  Stopped, that is, until the next time the phone rang. (Mack was no dummy; he’d picked up on what was going on his owner’s life and knew that when the phone rang it usually meant that she was about to go into a deep funk, and would be talking on the phone for hours, either with her attorney, her friends, or her soon-to-be ex-husband.)

Some trainers might have suggested putting Mack in an extended down/stay. Others might have told her to keep his leash on and make a good hard leash correction whenever the phone rang, or to use a shake can to scare him; all designed to correct the behavior through fear and dominance. Positive trainers would probably have recommended giving Mack a “time out," or using a “replacement behavior” like hand targeting. With some dogs these methods may have been temporarily effective, just as yelling at him had been (sort of). But their only lasting effects would have been putting the owner in conflict with her dog. And, over time, guess who usually wins those conflicts?

To me, the fact that Mack showed so much energy when the phone rang was a good thing. My goal was to use that energy to create an almost Pavlovian response: the ringing phone would be a signal for Mack to find a toy, take it to his crate, and chew on it happily while his owner took her call.  (She’d already taught Mack that when he wants to chew something he has to do it inside his crate.)  

So I told the owner that every time the phone rang, instead of correcting him by yelling “No!” or “Quiet!” she should jump up off the couch and praise him very enthusiastically, then grab one of his toys, tease him with it, and run away, encouraging him to chase her.  

Once his energy was fully focused on the toy, and not the phone, she could give him the toy, tell him to take it to his crate. Then she could finally sit down and take her call.  

Of course she thought I was nuts. “Do you know how much energy that would take?”

I reminded her that she’d been expending a lot more energy saying “No!” without getting the results she wanted, and promised her that if she followed my instructions to the letter, Mack would stop barking at the phone in a matter of two weeks.  

“But I shouldn’t praise him for barking, should I?  I mean, isn’t that only going to reinforce the bad behavior?”

“In this case we’re using praise to make Mack feel emotionally connected to you. That way you’ll be able to change his emotional state from resistance into a willingness to obey. You can’t very well create that kind of emotional state by yelling at him.”  

You see, every time Mack's owner corrected him she put herself in conflict with his feelings, forcing him to either keep barking at her until she was in tune with what he was already feeling or to give up.  And Jack Russells are not bred to give up.  By praising him she would be able to remove the conflict and open the flow.  Then and only then could Mack feel that they shared a common purpose and begin to look to her for a signal as to what to do next.

She reluctantly did as I suggested, thinking I was completely insane the whole time, and guess what?  She didn’t even need to do the exercise for two weeks. With just three days of acting like a complete idiot, she was able to create such a dramatic change in Mack’s behavior that she was able to stop doing the exercise completely. Whenever the phone rang Mack would bark briefly, but as soon as his owner told him to find a toy, and he’d  do so, take it into his crate, and chew away on it, thinking the whole thing was his idea all along. 

It’s Simple, But That Doesn’t Mean It’s Easy 

A year or so later I got a phone call from a recently-divorced young cinematographer whose three year-old cocker spaniel, Roxie, was biting him.  He told me that the dog had been a biter as puppy, but that she’d been severely punished for it and that the biting had since been kept under control.  Now that the couple had split up and the wife was moving out, the dog’s aggressive behavior had re-surfaced, with a vengeance.  

He explained that if he or anyone else went anywhere near Roxy’s crate or dinner bowl she would become violently aggressive. And the more he tried to correct her — as he’d done so successfully in the past — the worse her behavior got.  

Finally, he called me and asked if I could help him. I came over to his apartment to see what I could do. 

Roxy, a buff cocker, seemed fairly calm and friendly when I first came in, perhaps even a little shy. She wagged her tail but kept her head and shoulders tilted down slightly.  When I reached down to pet her, she started to roll over on her back.  

We went into the living room and sat on the couch, with the dog lying between us.  

“When Roxy was a puppy, would you say your wife spoiled her?”

He said she’d done just that; giving her too much attention, letting her have her own way because she was so cute.   

“And you were the disciplinarian?” 

He nodded and said that was also true.  

“Spanking her, saying no, that sort of thing?”

He nodded.  “You have to show the dog who’s boss.”

I explained to him the new trends in thinking — that there really is no such thing as an alpha dog or pack leader.  I also explained that when a puppy is spoiled — made to feel that she’s always the center of attention — it can make a lasting impression on her behavior. This is particularly harmful if another member of the household acts tough with the dog. Later, when her puppy antics have become bad habits (and particularly if she was also scolded and punished for those antics instead of being taught how to behave properly), she’ll be stressed out. Her behavior will seem to be under control for months, even years. But any sudden change in the household will throw her into a panic and the old behavior will not only re-surface, but get worse.

“I don’t know,” he seemed unconvinced.  “Another trainer told us it was because she was trying to be alpha.”

Roxy was lying on her back, asking for a tummy rub. “Look at her,” I said. “This is not a dominant dog.  In my experience, most dogs who bite their owners have what we — in the old way of thinking — would have called a submissive, not dominant type of temperament.”

Then I asked if Roxy had any favorite toys or games. 

He said she loved to play fetch with a tennis ball.

“Perfect,” I said.  “Is she possessive about the ball?” 

He said she wasn’t. She like to chase it and bring it back.

“Good girl,” I said. “Okay, then let’s get started.” 

I asked him to do whatever it took to get Roxy to exhibit the aggressive behavior. He said all he had to do was touch her crate, but he was extremely reluctant to do it.  “Once she gets into this mood it may be hours before she finally gets out of it.”

I told him not to worry and he went to the kitchen and touched the crate. Roxy instantly leapt off the couch and charged into the kitchen; snarling and growling. She was Cujo! 

I told Roxy’s owner to walk slowly back to the living room and he did. 

Then I went into the kitchen, holding a tennis ball in my hand.

I didn’t say “No!” or try to intimidate or dominate Roxy.  I simply bounced the tennis ball on the floor.  She stopped growling for a moment and looked at me, puzzled.  Then I laughed in a giddy, absurdly happy fashion.  “Whee-hee!” I cried then bounced the tennis ball again, praised her loudly, and ran away, inviting her to chase me and the ball.  

Two seconds later I was sitting on the couch with a totally different dog next to me. She was happily chewing on her tennis ball while I rubbed her tummy. We were the best of friends.

Her owner was amazed.  “Explain what just happened!”

“Well,” I said, “instead of reacting to Roxy with fear or aggression I did something which I knew from past experience would create a different emotional shift in her.  Once I got her to switch gears emotionally, her behavior changed as well.

“It’s that simple?”

“Well, yes and no. It’s simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Why don’t you give it a shot and see what happens?”  

“I don’t know,” he said. “When she gets like that I have trouble not losing my temper.”

“You can’t let her drag you into her movie. What you need to do is stay positive or neutral. She’s acting like it’s life and death, like she’s battling The Terminator, and we need her to feel like she’s in a buddy movie.

I convinced him to try the game. 

He did and got the same results I had. Roxy was a completely different dog almost immediately, just from bouncing the tennis ball, laughing loudly, acting silly and running away.

“This is amazing,” he said. “Who knew it could be this easy?”

“No, it’s simple. It’s not easy. There’s a difference. Plus it won’t fix things immediately.”

I went on to explain. “She’s had three years of certain patterns and expectations so it will probably take at least three months for her to let go of them. Just realize that guarding her crate like that is a very unpleasant feeling. Saying no actually reinforces that feeling and makes it stronger. Praising her and getting her to chase you and sink her teeth into the ball creates a positive, group mood, and releases all that negative energy. The more you can help her to switch gears like this, from a survival mood to a group play mood, the more likely it is that she’ll choose not to guard her crate.” 

Here we have two situations where the problem was solved not by saying “No” or using behavioral science techniques like de-sensitization, etc., but by stimulating the dog’s need to chase things and bite them as part of a group dynamic.

Understanding the dog's underlying emotional state — along with replacing the "N" word with a happy, playful voice and attitude — was the key to resolving both situations. 

However ... I need to make the following disclaimer very clear. These situations were solved fairly easily because a) I was there, controlling the emotional tone for the owners and the dogs, and b) both dogs were raised from puppies, by their owners. 

DISCLAIMER: I would be very reluctant to use these techniques with some shelter dogs, particularly those who have spent time living on the streets and who, therefore, may not have the same social impulses or ability to detect playfulness that is second nature to most pet dogs.  I do not recommend activating the prey drive in such dogs, except under the direct supervision of a seasoned professional.

LCK

Lexi and Melissa in Frank Sinatra Park: Understanding Attraction & Resistance

This post is an extension of my latest for PsychologyToday.com.

Lexi & Melissa in Hoboken

In Unified Dog Theory XIV: The Importance of Understanding Attraction and Resistance, which was posted earlier today at PsychologyToday.com, I discuss the properties of attraction and resistance, and their importance in understanding how and why dogs do the things they do. If you've read that article, feel free to skip the paragraphs in blue. If you haven't, you'll need to read them now to be up to speed on what happened with Lexi and Melissa in Frank Sinatra Park.

For those who haven't read some of my previous articles in this series, I've defined the 4 Quadrants of Drive Training as Attraction & Resistance, and Tension & Release. I've already discussed the last two in some detail. Here I'll be discussing attraction and resistance.

 

First of all, everything in the universe is geared toward seeking out connections with some other facet of existence. From sub-atomic particles on up to the need some of us feel to log on to Facebook each morning, the entire universe is about making connections. The underlying theme of how these connections get made - whether it's the way sodium and chlorine atoms hook up to produce salt, how a bloodhound sniffs a criminal's trail, or how two people find each other across a crowded room - it's about physical, chemical, magnetic, or emotional attraction.

Things can't form connections without experiencing some form of attraction.

In canine behavior, it's pretty easy to see a dog's feeling of attraction manifest itself when he pulls on the leash to get to another dog, or when he chases a squirrel, or jumps up on a person he likes.

The flip side of attraction - which could be either magnetic repulsion or emotional resistance - isn't as clear cut, but can be seen vividly in the difference between the way a dog pulls toward an object of attraction along a straight line as opposed to taking a more circular approach. In my view, the curvature indicates that the dog's feeling of attraction has met some form of resistance, either internal or external. In fact if the resistance is strong enough, the dog won't dog even look at it or acknowledge the so-called object of attraction.

Biologists talk about approach and avoidance, which are behaviors. Attraction and resistance are emotional states. A dog can sometimes be seen approaching someone while having very strong feelings of resistance toward that person, i.e., approaching very slowly, with the head and tail hung low. A dog can also have a strong attraction for something and hold perfectly still, not approaching it at all (this is usually called stalking).

One of the rules I follow in training is that when using games like fetch or tug to elicit an obedience behavior, you should always quit before the dog starts to get tired or bored. This is very important because what starts out as a pleasurable learning experience can quickly become the opposite, which will result in slower response time, and may even devolve into a general lack of interest in listening or obeying at all.

 

How can you tell when the dog is starting to get tired or bored?

I recommend studying Turid Rugaas's "calming signals" - a dog's behavioral postures and micro-expressions - which I've discussed previously, and which Rugaas sees as being produced with the conscious intent to communicate to another dog or person.

Since dogs produce these behaviors when people and other dogs can't see them, I tend to think of them as "tells," the kind of postures and micro-expressions poker players read when in their oppononents when trying to determine whether they're bluffing. In my experience, canine tells can be successfully used to determine whether a dog is feeling more resistance than attraction in any given situation.

So one way to determine when a dog is getting tired or bored with a game goes back to the difference between a straight line and a curve. If Fido chases the ball ten times, and brings it directly back each time, in a straight line, it means he's still emotionally invested. If, on the eleventh throw, he begins to come back in a more curved fashion - no matter how subtle the difference - his interest has started to wane, his heart is no longer in the game, and it's time to take a break.

Of course, we could interpret this behavior in any number of ways. The dog is simply tired. The dog's sense of smell is starting to override his joy in playing, etc. But I think it's extremely helpful to be able to interpret canine behavior through the lens of attraction and resistance.

I was working with a student of mine named Melissa last week. She’s learning how to produce a good, rock-solid stay with various dogs. We were in Frank Sinatra park in Hoboken, NJ, with a dog named Lexi (shiba inu mix, about 35 lbs.), and I immediately saw a problem: when Melissa began doing the first stay exercise (the "step-away" stay), Lexi held his position very well, but couldn't look at her. This is one of Lexi’s tells. He was physically obeying the command, but at the same time, his heart wasn’t in it. He was feeling resistance.

So I suggested we stop working on the stay, and instead we did an exercise designed to build Lexi’s feelings of attraction toward Melissa. In briefest terms, I held Lexi’s leash and had Melissa walk away, about fifty feet or so, and hide behind a tree.

Lexi was now very interested in Melissa. After a while, he became riveted on her, and started whining, and pulling on his leash. When these feelings were at their peak, I released him, Melissa called him, using a high, happy voice, and ran away, encouraging Lexi to chase her.

He raced toward her with all his might, in a straight line. But then, for some reason, the old resistance showed up again, and his path curved toward a tree, which he immediately peed on. Interestingly, Lexi’s biggest behavioral problem is urinating inside the house, which he only does when he’s left alone. When I saw him do that I realized why he'd been peeing on the carpet when left home alone. All the love he felt for his owners, all the feelings that had been trapped inside him, had to flow out, and the only he felt he was connecting to them when they were gone, was to pee on the carpet.

Melissa re-interpreted it this way (which I think is pretty brilliant):

"Lexi feels an immense void inside. And in order to connect this energy, he pees. And he pees in the part of the house that has an emotional charge to it, the living room where the family hangs out, where the family plays and laughs. It's also possible he likes the carpet, how it makes him feel, because he likes to rub his body on it. But I think it also has his owner's scent and their vibration, a family vibration."

Another way of putting it is, when Lexi's owners leave him alone, he feels their absence deeply. This produces high levels of anxiety, perhaps even panic, which carries with it a physical feeling of pressure, and perhaps even trembling. He has learned that the way to get rid of these uncomfortable physical feelings is to release the tension they produce through his bladder. (Some dogs with separation anxiety release tension through their throats, by barking, others release it by chewing on the carpet or furniture, and still others may find release by digging at the carpet, or scratching frantically at the front door.)

At any rate, once I’d seen that Lexi had trouble relating to Melissa with total abandon (no resistance), even in mid-chase, I suggested we bring him back to where we’d started, come down to Lexi’s level and just lie on the grass, and start doing some very gentle teasing and pushing games, the kind puppies do to initiate play with a littermate. We even nuzzled his body with our faces

We did this for a while, and then Melissa, sensing Lexi's desire to play, asked if she should take Lexi's favorite toy, Mr. Foxy, out of her bag, to see if he'd play tug outdoors, which he'd never done.

I said sure, then took the toy and teased Lexi with it, dancing it around his face, then pulling it away to pique his interest, i.e., build up his attraction for it. And after about 30 seconds of this – for the first time ever – Lexi began to play tug outdoors, first with me, then with Melissa.

Will learning to play tug-of-war outdoors with his owners, cure Lexi’s separation anxiety? It couldn't hurt. There's a lot of stuff that Lexi feels, under the surface. So it's going to take some time to make him feel safe enough to let go of those feelings. But playing tug with Mr. Foxy in Frank Sinatra park that chilly Sunday was a pretty good start.

LCK

Natural Dog Training in New York City

Join Me on Facebook!

Follow Me on Twitter!

PS: I saw Lexi again last Sunday. I was sitting on a bench at the entrance to the park. As soon as he saw me he got very happy. Melissa released his leash, knowing he would come directly toward me. He did, but halfway to me he started feeling the old resistance. 

So I got "small," hunched my shoulders together, ducked my head, made myself as small as possible, considering how big I must seem to the little guy. Then I spoke to him in a high, silly voice, and his trajectory toward me returned to its previous happy straight line.

I'm telling you, understanding how dogs feel and express attraction and resistance is very important. In fact it may be one of the most important aspects of dog training.

It Was Just Like Love

Another tune from the pen of LCK.

So I'm putting together a 4-song submission for ASCAP’s Songwriter's Workshop. And I'd like to know what you think of this recording. 

The main body of the tune was recorded live at Birdland in New York City, on someone’s iPod, during a singing workshop with Tierney Sutton. The audio quality is low, but the musicians — The Christian Jacob Trio (also known as The Tierney Sutton Band) — were phenomenal. I also stumbled a little with the lyric.

I can probably clean up the sound using Garage Band, and maybe splice the first bridge into the 2nd section of the song. The question is, is the sound quality too low to bother?

 

“It Was Just Like Love”

It was just like love without the aggravation—

a rich blend of warm friends, cool conversation,

plus the thought that rain or shine you’ve always got 
great company.

Hey, that sounds a lot like love to me.

It was just like you to keep my engine purring

while guys you knew were the same bad dream, recurring.

I still don’t know what made you feel you had to go 
through all that fuss 
when it was so much like love with us.

I guess I should have understood 
the rules of the game—

used those good old tools of the game 
that make hearts dance.

Yet sad to say I’m like those wayward
fools of the game

who’d rather wait for one true love 
than waste time on romance. 

It was just like me to fix what isn’t broken. 

Too late I see some things should have stayed unspoken.
Yet in a blaze of reckless honesty our days 
of fun were done.
I spoke one phrase and watched you run.

(musical interlude, repeat bridge)

It was just like bliss that couldn’t clear the runway.

At last, we kiss, though not quite in the fun way.

It’s all gone bust.   Yet as we kiss goodbye I trust 
you’ll share this toast:

Wasn’t it just like love, almost?

’Cause it hurts just like love almost…

Words and Music © 2006 by Lee Charles Kelley

West Sixty Ninth Street Music (ASCAP)